Words

After School today I took all three of my boys to the doctors office for Masons 10 year old well visit. At the time it seemed like a fine thing to do.  Micah and Ethan were crazy- climbing on the chairs, crawling on the floor, climbing on each other- totally embarrassing me- but for this post I wanna focus on Mason.

He's growing so tall, and handsome developing a very athletic build as he keeps up with his favorite pass times- anything that requires a ball- he has awesome hair, great style, really enjoys his devotion time with Chris at night but I still get requested to tuck him in occasionally.  His maturity level is amazing and I am so proud of who he is. - He still has moments where I have to remind my self that he's still only a 4th grade boy but I've discovered  he likes having things expected of him, he doesn't want me to baby him and even though he pushes back on things we both know the resistance is what he needs sometimes to continue to grow. He's confident in most every area of his life because he always seems to succeed and do well at everything he tries (he gets that from his daddy)

His first grade teacher, Mrs. Hedrick, gave him an award at the end of the year "problem solver award" and ever since he has really owned that title.

He can quickly assess and analyze a room, situations, people, numbers and is never afraid or hesitant to take the lead (this is where the "he's still a 4th grade boy" comes in...Micah told me that on the principals last day of school Mason led the entire school in a Chant - "MR YOUNG, MR YOUNG"....i really hope that was okay.)  His determination to complete a game and strive to win, even when his team is 0 and 6 inspires me.  He carries himself with a firmness of purpose and strength.

Today I saw a different side.

While I do know the only thing that really bothers Mason is his own or other peoples blood and injuries (not just seeing it, even just talking about that grosses him out) I don't think I knew just HOW much.  He asked before we went to the doctor if he was going to have to get a shot- In most situations I'm all for letting my kids anticipate something and have to wait for something that they want vs contributing to the societal instant gratification cycle we live in- However, when it comes to doctors appointments I purposely don't ask if they will be getting shots because I don't want them to have to spend the entire car ride anxiously awaiting something they know will be painful.

The nurse came in and commented on how put together he was and handsome- the compliments made him blush-  she carried out her nurse tasks of taking his blood pressure and checking his 10/15 vision and perfect hearing.

Then came the words

Nurse:  "Okay Mrs. Haynes the doctor will be in shortly and today he's scheduled for an immunization."

Mason: "Wait- What? I'm going to have to get a SHOT?" (followed by heavy breathing and extreme worry.)

Micah- "I've had to have a shot, its fine Mason"

Ethan- "Mason- I had a shot, at least mom doesn't make you get the flu shot too"

Me:  "you are going to be OKAY, just relax and Micah stop standing on the chair and Ethan please get off of this grose floor and sit IN the chair. "

No ones words were helping.  All of our words were going in one ear and out the other.  Our words were only breath that you can't stand on. Mason was anxious, and Micah was worried about Mason but still wanted to play tag with Ethan and I felt like a failure, I played this mom card wrong.

Why didn't I ask about the shots?  I know Mason. I know he likes to be prepared for things, he hates to be late, does things in an orderly fashion.  Im new at this whole being a mom of a 10 year old...Maybe now I need to give him a chance to know how to handle anxious thoughts and fears and worries- I missed an opportunity to help him grow through a tough situation.

But God is so gracious to allow me this opportunity to walk with Mason when we were both hit with news we didn't like.

I asked him if I could pray with him he paused the heavy breathing for a moment and looked side to side as if to say "here? now?" out of what I think was desperation, he said yes.  The prayers worked he calmed down and the doctor was able to talk with us and tell us what we already knew that he does indeed still have a stuffy allergy nose (but he also saw what he thinks is a polyp- another story later) and as he was leaving

Then came the words

Doc Smolen- "The nurse will be in with the immunization"

Mason- cue heavy breathing and a tight grip on my hand.

Micah and Ethan - both trying to sit on the same chair while using the magna doodle as a lasso- (at least they are enjoying each others company)

Me-  Mason your going to be OKAY

Again my words brought nothing-

My little (big) boy was facing real fear and anxiety.  I said the first scriptures that came to mind.

Ephesians 4:8 Whatever is true, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praise worthy think of these things and the PEACE of God will be with you.

Psalm 23 The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want he makes me lie down in green pastures he leads me beside quiet waters and he restores my soul.

Mason- calmed down- pulled me close put his head on my shoulder.

The Nurse came in and was trying to be nice and comforting with her words she was taking her time - her delay wasn't helping- how could she not see that her words were NOT helping...

I told him I was thankful for the opportunity to be with him right now as he was feeling anxious about his upcoming shot and that I was sorry we didn't know before we came because then we could have looked up more scriptures so we could have been better prepared to face the situation. I told him that I hoped he remembered this moment for a long time- not because I want him to be in pain or to worry, but so that he can remember what got him through wasn't because it was something he'd practiced for or encouraging words from his brothers or me but because of the strength  and ability to stand on God and his words.  God makes us brave, faith makes us able to stand when our own abilities fail us and with God we are never alone.  So in the future if he feels anxious and my hand isn't there for him to hold I wanted him to remember his good shepherd.

FINALLY- she gave him the shot-

Mason- he laughed- wait? What ? thats it? its over? ---

OH if we could always be on the other side of our worry and anxiety would it even exist?

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.  He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.  He guides me in paths of righteousness for his names sake.  Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me.  You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies, you annoying my head with oil my cup overflows.  Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.