I love you

Chris and I have been married 14 years.  FOURTEEN.  On one hand it feels like forever and on the other like yesterday.

A couple of years ago we decided to make our anniversary a family celebration.  We have both sets of grandparents in town and all of our kids aunts and uncles so we have plenty of willing sitters but we decided that we want to take this one day and remind the boys how much their mom and dad love each other.

The first year we started this tradition we packed a picnic lunch, headed to freedom park and let the boys all drink a can of Dr Pepper to celebrate as they munched on their sunbutter and jelly sandwiches.

Last year we made chicken parmesan, got out the china and lit some candles as we coursed our way through a romantic dinner around our dining room table.

This year Chris took Mason to the store and they picked up some flowers for me, we wore nice clothes, went to lunch at Momma Ricatta's, one of our favorite restaurants, followed by dessert and coffee at Amile's a french bakery.

We get out the wedding scrapbook, pop in the VHS recording of our wedding and giggle at how young everyone looks and laugh as the wedding singer hits the high note and we take the opportunity to make our boys feel uncomfortable as they watch us kiss and get teary eyed.

We also remind them of how much we STILL love each other and even though they have friends, good friends, who's parents have separated or are divorced that we will NEVER stop loving each other and being committed to making our marriage work. We want them to know that we got married because we were best friends and we loved the Lord and our marriage is a gift from HIM.

One year I asked my dad - an amazing artist- to write Romans 12: 9-21 in calligraphy so we could have it framed to hang in our house as a reminder of how we want to live in marriage and as a family.

"Love must be sincere.  Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.  Be devoted to one another in love.  Honor one another above yourselves.  Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.  Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.  Share with the Lord's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.  Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.  Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.  Live in harmony with one another.  Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.  Do not be conceited.  Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.  If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.  Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "it is mine to avenge; I will repay, says the Lord.  On the contrary:  "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.  In doing this you will heap burning coals his head."  Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

No doubt we have messed up as parents, played our parent card all wrong. As I read the scripture above I smile with a full heart because God is allowing us to learn to live out His word.

We fail, BUT-we have always loved each other whole heartedly, sincerely with a deep genuine love. The older our boys get I know they can see it.

My heavenly father wants me to know how much he loves me.  In the NIV Bible, the word love is mentioned 551 times.  Thats a lot of ways God says he loves me.

Even when you think someone knows it you should keep saying it anyway -- "I love you"

Ethan is so good at this.  He will randomly come up and grab my cheeks with both hands to give me a kiss on the lips and wrap his little arms around my neck to whisper in my ear "I love you mommy"

Mason blushes at this and Micah laughs.  When I tell the older two I love them they say, "I know" or "you too"

Love covers a multitude of sins and keeps no records of wrongs and we need to never tire of saying "I love you" in the good times when you're all happy and in a good mood and in the bad times when you need to apologize or forgive.

I'm now requesting that when I say, "I love you Mason or Micah" That they respond with "I love you too mom"

Love Must Be Sincere.

Words

After School today I took all three of my boys to the doctors office for Masons 10 year old well visit. At the time it seemed like a fine thing to do.  Micah and Ethan were crazy- climbing on the chairs, crawling on the floor, climbing on each other- totally embarrassing me- but for this post I wanna focus on Mason.

He's growing so tall, and handsome developing a very athletic build as he keeps up with his favorite pass times- anything that requires a ball- he has awesome hair, great style, really enjoys his devotion time with Chris at night but I still get requested to tuck him in occasionally.  His maturity level is amazing and I am so proud of who he is. - He still has moments where I have to remind my self that he's still only a 4th grade boy but I've discovered  he likes having things expected of him, he doesn't want me to baby him and even though he pushes back on things we both know the resistance is what he needs sometimes to continue to grow. He's confident in most every area of his life because he always seems to succeed and do well at everything he tries (he gets that from his daddy)

His first grade teacher, Mrs. Hedrick, gave him an award at the end of the year "problem solver award" and ever since he has really owned that title.

He can quickly assess and analyze a room, situations, people, numbers and is never afraid or hesitant to take the lead (this is where the "he's still a 4th grade boy" comes in...Micah told me that on the principals last day of school Mason led the entire school in a Chant - "MR YOUNG, MR YOUNG"....i really hope that was okay.)  His determination to complete a game and strive to win, even when his team is 0 and 6 inspires me.  He carries himself with a firmness of purpose and strength.

Today I saw a different side.

While I do know the only thing that really bothers Mason is his own or other peoples blood and injuries (not just seeing it, even just talking about that grosses him out) I don't think I knew just HOW much.  He asked before we went to the doctor if he was going to have to get a shot- In most situations I'm all for letting my kids anticipate something and have to wait for something that they want vs contributing to the societal instant gratification cycle we live in- However, when it comes to doctors appointments I purposely don't ask if they will be getting shots because I don't want them to have to spend the entire car ride anxiously awaiting something they know will be painful.

The nurse came in and commented on how put together he was and handsome- the compliments made him blush-  she carried out her nurse tasks of taking his blood pressure and checking his 10/15 vision and perfect hearing.

Then came the words

Nurse:  "Okay Mrs. Haynes the doctor will be in shortly and today he's scheduled for an immunization."

Mason: "Wait- What? I'm going to have to get a SHOT?" (followed by heavy breathing and extreme worry.)

Micah- "I've had to have a shot, its fine Mason"

Ethan- "Mason- I had a shot, at least mom doesn't make you get the flu shot too"

Me:  "you are going to be OKAY, just relax and Micah stop standing on the chair and Ethan please get off of this grose floor and sit IN the chair. "

No ones words were helping.  All of our words were going in one ear and out the other.  Our words were only breath that you can't stand on. Mason was anxious, and Micah was worried about Mason but still wanted to play tag with Ethan and I felt like a failure, I played this mom card wrong.

Why didn't I ask about the shots?  I know Mason. I know he likes to be prepared for things, he hates to be late, does things in an orderly fashion.  Im new at this whole being a mom of a 10 year old...Maybe now I need to give him a chance to know how to handle anxious thoughts and fears and worries- I missed an opportunity to help him grow through a tough situation.

But God is so gracious to allow me this opportunity to walk with Mason when we were both hit with news we didn't like.

I asked him if I could pray with him he paused the heavy breathing for a moment and looked side to side as if to say "here? now?" out of what I think was desperation, he said yes.  The prayers worked he calmed down and the doctor was able to talk with us and tell us what we already knew that he does indeed still have a stuffy allergy nose (but he also saw what he thinks is a polyp- another story later) and as he was leaving

Then came the words

Doc Smolen- "The nurse will be in with the immunization"

Mason- cue heavy breathing and a tight grip on my hand.

Micah and Ethan - both trying to sit on the same chair while using the magna doodle as a lasso- (at least they are enjoying each others company)

Me-  Mason your going to be OKAY

Again my words brought nothing-

My little (big) boy was facing real fear and anxiety.  I said the first scriptures that came to mind.

Ephesians 4:8 Whatever is true, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praise worthy think of these things and the PEACE of God will be with you.

Psalm 23 The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want he makes me lie down in green pastures he leads me beside quiet waters and he restores my soul.

Mason- calmed down- pulled me close put his head on my shoulder.

The Nurse came in and was trying to be nice and comforting with her words she was taking her time - her delay wasn't helping- how could she not see that her words were NOT helping...

I told him I was thankful for the opportunity to be with him right now as he was feeling anxious about his upcoming shot and that I was sorry we didn't know before we came because then we could have looked up more scriptures so we could have been better prepared to face the situation. I told him that I hoped he remembered this moment for a long time- not because I want him to be in pain or to worry, but so that he can remember what got him through wasn't because it was something he'd practiced for or encouraging words from his brothers or me but because of the strength  and ability to stand on God and his words.  God makes us brave, faith makes us able to stand when our own abilities fail us and with God we are never alone.  So in the future if he feels anxious and my hand isn't there for him to hold I wanted him to remember his good shepherd.

FINALLY- she gave him the shot-

Mason- he laughed- wait? What ? thats it? its over? ---

OH if we could always be on the other side of our worry and anxiety would it even exist?

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.  He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.  He guides me in paths of righteousness for his names sake.  Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me.  You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies, you annoying my head with oil my cup overflows.  Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Jenga

Last night after tucking Ethan in the bed I walked around the corner to my two older boys playing Jenga on the bonus room floor with Chris.  We have some short shag carpet in our bonus room so in order to play the game of Jenga where you balance rows of three wooden blocks vertically until they form a tower while each player has to pull out a single block from the bottom of the tower and place it on the top without knocking over the tower - you first - must grab a hardback book from the shelf.  Without the sturdy foundation the game will be over before it can even begin.


I sat there and watched them playing and thought about how much I want to give them Christ as the foundation for their lives and how my greatest desire is to build them up into the knowledge of Christ.

Ephesians 2:19-20 So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone.

The only way I can keep my world from crumbling in and falling down is if I remove ME and put Christ as the ultimate cornerstone.

Ephesians 2:22 goes on to say And in Him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his spirit.

The Holy Spirit is making us (my little family) His dwelling place.  Together we are being built.

Psalm 127:1 Unless the Lord builds the house, the Labors labor in vein.  I have to keep Christ the cornerstone

God is building my life and has given me all these "little blocks" that make up my life and I want to be the one in control of every single one of them.

My BLOCKS:  

Awesome Husband Block

Three beautiful boys (that are a lot of work) Block

Talented music teacher Block

Super Volunteer Block

If I'm finding my identity in my kids and having an awesome husband and being a great music teacher and super volunteer that everyone loves instead of FIRST placing my identity in Christ then when the "blocks" don't stay where I want them to or begin to get off balance a bit or wont budge the way I was hoping then I will feel OUT OF CONTROL, like I'm falling and crashing to the ground as everyone else celebrates their Jenga moments.

When I am losing my temper because they aren't helping- I've lost Christ as the cornerstone and probably need to enforce more discipline or just ask for help

When I am embarrassed that they aren't remembering to use manners like the other children we are with- I've lost Christ as the cornerstone and need to extend myself some grace and remember that I really do have some great kids and as Andy Stanley says theres no win in comparison.

When my kids do well at something and I pat myself on the back and pride rears its ugly head- I've lost Christ as the cornerstone.

Ultimately, most importantly, I need to remember to solely make Christ my cornerstone.  THEN, with confidence I can expect Ephesians 2: 8-10 to be true: "For by grace you have been saved through faith.  And this is not your won doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.  We are Gods workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Christ is the cornerstone.

If everything else crumbles and falls He still stands.

He is building my little family to be his dwelling place.

2 Corinthians 4:7 -9 But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.  We are hard pressed on every side but not crushed, perplexed but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed.

Day by day Im praying God will help me make him the foundation of every single area of life so that he can build us.

alone

Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.  Psalm 46:10-  this isn't a request God makes but a command.

I lift up my eyes to the hills.  From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.  Psalm 121:1-2-  I get the picture David was alone when he penned that verse.

ALONE- having no-one else present; on ones own.  indicating that something is confined to the specified subject or recipient.

when I'm alone with God am I really making HIM the specified subject or recipient or am I still me focused? -

Me-

A- afraid
L- lost
O- offended
N- noticed by no one
E- excluded

A- approval of others
L- looking for acceptance
O- others thoughts drive me
N- nothing of value
E- envy

Alone with God and I hear something different

A- aware
L- loved
O- open
N- new
E- excited

A- all that I need
L- lead by him
O- overcomer
N- not alone
E- encouraged

A- adopted- His child
L- level headed
O- obedient
N- not lacking
E- enough

1 John 3:1 How great is the love the Father as lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!

getting alone with God making him the sole recipient of my thoughts and ridding myself of the opinions of others allows him the opportunity to lavish his perfect love over every part of me.  

Eye Sore

The house at the end of our street sat empty for a while and when the new tenants moved in they brought with them a new choice of paint for the front of their house and a hobby of fixing up cars.

For what seems like close to two years my neighbors yellow house has its front partially painted bright blue and he has been working on a car in his driveway.  If your my friend or family member I've probably complained to you about this.

One day they started to paint and then for some reason just stopped... mid board they just put the roller down. I cannot figure it out?  Maybe they ran out of paint? Maybe they decided they didn't like the color? BUT, they just quit, stopped working?? What happened? Who does that?

The car on the other hand, I see him working, I know he's out there, his hands are dirty, I hear the tools.  If its rainy or even a chance for rain he will put up a tent or hang a big blue tarp to protect the car.  We're talking BIG EYE SORE.

From what I can tell the car has never moved other than when it has been up on jacks so he can work on the belly of the car. I often drive by and ask myself, "What is he doing? How can there still be work to be done? Will he ever be finished? Forget bigger yards and better lots, THIS is why people should live in neighborhoods with HOA's..."

The outside of the house looks the same.  The outside of the car looks the same.  Maybe part of the car used to be gray or blue, I've stopped paying much attention. Honestly, what used to be kinda an eye sore is now more of a fixed fixture for the end of our street, a land mark. I actually tell people, "When you see the driveway with the cars that are being worked on or the yellow house that is partially painted blue you'll know thats our street."

Yesterday I was on a run, complaining again in my mind about this neighbor as a ran past and then....

Philippians 1:6 "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

1 Samuel 16:7  "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him.  The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

These verses came to me as I was running past this house and its reminder of God working on me hit my heart in a different way.

-OUCH, Hmmm-

Do others notice the work God is doing in my life?  Am I an eye sore to be around when I've not allowed God to do the work that needs to be done?

Why do I care so much what others think of my outside appearance or how my family appears to others? I know that regardless of the events that transpire at the restaurant complete with spilled drinks, trips to the potty and at least one boy not being able to sit for the entire meal or the raised voices and slammed doors after a game that someone didn't win that we are a family that loves each other, that we are working at being great communicators and that we are being built up in HIM.

Colossians 2:6-7 So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him,   rooted and built up in him, strengthend in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

SO  I'm choosing something NEW...what used to be an eye sore and bother for me to drive by at the end of the street is now a prayer trigger for me to smile and THANK God as I'm leaving my house, probably a little later than I wanted to because someone had to finish the consequence for their actions, couldn't find their shoes,  forgot to get their water bottle or didn't remember to potty after I asked them to like 5 times before, that my little family is a work in progress and we are on this journey together and even if no one else can see the inside that I know that our little family dinner conversations, bed time bible stories, and a father that leads us well is truly a gift.

I pray that Chris and I would always see the "work" that we have to do as parents as a blessing, a gift worth protecting.  And that God would do a greater work in me regardless of what others think- honestly, they are thinking of themselves not me anyway.

I don't know whats going on on the inside of the neighbors house or what the engine of the car looks like but I am now thankful for the reminder that I am a continual work in progress until my Jesus returns to take me home.

Lord help me not to compare or to judge my neighbors

Matthew 7  "Don't judge, or you too will be judged.  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.  Why do you look at the sawdust (or grease) in you brothers eye and pay no attention to the plank in you own eye?  How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?  You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speak from your brothers eye."

Lord, work on me-even if that means you need me to start or stop doing something abruptly that others wouldn't understand. Soften me to see areas where I am at first bothered and want to look away in a new light.  Help me to know if my friends and neighbors need encouragement or help and give me the ability to always overflow with thankfulness.

I have seeds

This happened in Spring 2016 Im just getting around to writing about it. Mason was 9, Micah 6 and Ethan 3.

Chris was out of town on a missions trip with some men in from church to Colombia South America.  I am home with the boys.  As I'm tucking Micah in the bed he asks me how babies get inside of a mommy.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME KID? Don't you know that you're a boy and DADS have"The Talk" with their boys?!!

I answered the way I have in the past, "God puts the baby in there"

This usual answer wasn't cutting it for Micah.

Micah- "No, Mom, HOW does the baby get in there? How does it become a baby. Because in school, you know we have those incubators with the eggs and baby chicks and we are learning about chickens and frogs and how they grow. Well, do we start as an egg inside of the mommy and then when we are mature enough we hatch out? And I know you said that you have to have a mommy AND a daddy and boy and a girl to be the parents of a baby but what does the boy have to do with the egg?"

I took a deep breath and just started answering his questions.

Me- "Well actually you're right Micah mommies have eggs inside them and the dads have seeds and thats why you need both a mommy and a daddy to make a baby.  The egg has to be fertilized with the daddy seed...okay, let me tuck you in"

Micah- "Oh, I see"

Me- "Sigh of relief- that went well"...but wait for it...I had my hand on his door knob... ON THE DOOR KNOB!

Micah- "so you have eggs inside you right now?"

Me- "Yes, actually when God created me he created my body to produce eggs, but they are really tiny and you can't see them, good night."

Micah- "So how does the baby come out? Do you lay an egg? AND how does the daddy seed get from the daddy into the mommy? And if you were born with your eggs does that mean I have seeds inside of me?

Me- "uh umm, (releasing my hand from the door knob reluctantly walking back towards his bed) well....we are mammals so we are born alive, we are actually alive as soon as the seed and the egg meet inside the mommy's womb.  And you know how you have a penis because you're a boy? Well, girls don't have a penis, they have a vagina and thats a special hole for the baby to come out. "

Micah- "Okay well then how do the daddy seeds get inside there and where do they come from how do they get out of the daddy into the mommy."

Me- (with raised eye brows, a scowl and internal scream CHRIS WHERE ARE YOU??????)  "God lets daddies produce seeds too and your penis has a place for the pee pee to come out and also a place for the seeds, which is actually called sperm to come out."

Micah- "okay so how does it get in the mommy? "

Me- (ARE YOU KIDDING ME?) "remember the hole for the baby to come out, the vagina? Well, the daddy's penis goes into the vagina.

Micah- OH, I get it!  Goodnight mom.

Me- (still struggling not to show my sweat-) "I love you Micah, sleep well"

I got up, walked out of his room and shook my head....this is NOT how I thought Micah would learn about the way babies are made.  BUT, I am, NOW, several months later, thankful that before it was awkward, that I was able to lay some ground work so that when Chris does have a serious talk with Micah, "THE TALK" maybe it will be easier.

I thought that was behind us...well, Chris is STILL out of town and the story continues...

We are sitting around the dinner table Me, Mason, Micah and Ethan and then the conversation moves from football to ....

Micah- "Hey Mason, did you know we have seeds?"

Mason- laughing his big brother laugh that conveys that Micah has absolutely NO CLUE what he's talking about- "No we don't Micah"

Mason looks at me for approval. my head is staring at my plate as I try to pretend to need to cut up my chicken nugget.

Micah- "Yes we do, Mom said so, right mom, tell him, thats how babies are made"

Me- praying a neighbor would need a cup of sugar or that Ethan would need to go pee or that someone ANYONE would text me....crickets and all eyes staring on me waiting for a response...."Yes, Mason, you do have seeds, your seeds meet up with the mommy egg to create a baby"

Mason- SILENT- HUGE EYES- LONG PAUSE---- Stands up, pushes his chair in, raises both hands and runs around the kitchen island shouting and laughing, "SEEDS, SEEDS, I HAVE SEEDS!!! I CANT BELIVE I HAVE SEEDS"

Me- thinks to self- "OH no, this is getting out of control, WHERE ARE YOU CHRIS"

Micah- "I told you, I can't believe you didn't know that"

Mason- "Mom, I want to see them, When can I see my seeds"

Me- "you can't they are too tiny and this is something you need to discuss further with daddy when he GETS HOME FROM HIS MISSIONS TRIP....Okay guys, this is dinner time, lets eat our food, this conversation isn't one your three year old brother is old enough to have."

Ethan- "wait- I have seeds too?"

Me- "yes, PLEASE EVERYONE EAT DINNER hurry so we can watch a show together"

All- "but we already had screen time????"

Me- "I know, but its okay, lets just all stop talking and eat so we can watch chopped Jr or AFV or Paw Patrol or whatever is on okay, lets all just eat our chicken nuggets and see who can clean their plate first!"


Gen 2:18- "It is not good for man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him"  Ladies- before your husband goes out of the country and leaves you alone with your three boys, make sure he has helped you out and already had "THE TALK" with your little boys.

Is the Stench Horrible?

On a walk to visit our neighborhood pond Chris mentioned to the boys who were well ahead of us that there was some road kill... this creature was super run over, very flat- maybe a smashed squirrel or chipmunk this thing was in such bad shape we couldn't even make out what it was when it was alive.   The boys were too eager to make it to the pond that they didn't give any pause to the dead rodent except Ethan.  He paused, turned back and said, in his little 4 year old man voice (it kinda sounds like a raspy New York accent- not sure where he's getting this from but its super cute)

 "Was the stench horrible?"

His cute little voice and obligatory answer to our question made us laugh out loud.  How does he know words as a four year old like "stench" and "horrible" and that dead animals would be associated with that?

Truth is the road kill was beyond stinking and so old and run over we couldn't even tell what it was anymore.

Why when our boys were on their way to see the beauty of the neighborhood pond did we even want them to stop and gaze at the death?

Why do we want to share with others our old sin, worries, past struggles that we have ALREADY given over to the Lord?  No one wants to see or smell the stench of a dead animal.  Stop dwelling on the things of the past, don't find your identity in negative things. Set your course for the future, your original destination, don't get tripped up by the past or negativity along the way.  Continue on fix your eyes on the beauty thats before you, in our case a pond. And when you get there may you only safely reflect with gratitude of what the Lord has brought you through, may you only see reflections of His beauty through creation.

Proverbs 18:21 "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit."

Deuteronomy 30:15-20  "See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction.  For I command you today to love the Lord your God. to walk in obedience to him, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess. But if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down to other gods and worship them, I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed.  You will not live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess.  This day I call the heavens and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you Live and death, blessings and curses. NOW choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice and hold fast to him.  For the Lord is your life, and he will five you many years in the Land he swore to give your forefathers."

May I always make the choice to obey, stay the course, bite my tongue, choose my words and life so that I and my children may LIVE and hear the voice of the Lord.

Over watering leads to rot

December 2016

This past fall some neighbors moved out and left some potted plants at an auction sale.  Staying to true Haynes form, I waited until the last day of the auction to approach and ask if I could just take the potted plants that had $12 price tags on them...the auctioneer said she'd give them to me for $1.  SCORE~ I proudly got my wagon walked two doors down and loaded up my new plants to decorate my front porch and screen porch.  My dollar provided me with a new pot and plant for the front porch and a huge tree for the screen porch.  I never realized how bare my screen porch was until this plant made its home in the corner.

I repotted this patio tree so it could have more room to spread its roots and grow.  Over the course of the fall I enjoyed sipping my coffee and reminding myself that this beauty only cost me .50 cents!

The temperatures outside dropped and I wanted to be sure that I didn't lose this tree.  SO Chris helped me bring it into our bedroom so we could keep it warm and protect it from the harsh weather and freezing temps that the winter brings.

The tree looked MUCH bigger in my room then it did in the corner of the porch but - its just for a season- and the Christmas stuff is already making the house look cluttered so may as well just embrace the clutter this not so little tree brings.

I was remembering to water it and care for it and then one day I realized something about this tree.

When we first brought the tree inside it was fine, no big deal, just a little less floor to vacuum.

But one morning we woke up to find like 1,000 dead gnats on our window seals and bathroom vanities.  Seriously, 1,000.  From a distance it looked like my 4 year old had used the pepper shaker to create a new piece of art work.

WHERE DID THEY COME FROM?? We never saw them fly around durning the day?  I looked at the tree, didn't see ANY gnats at all.

We sanitized and vacuumed, made sure all of the windows were closed properly, checked under the bed to be sure that one of the boys hadn't left a banana peel or apple core to rot. (this has happened in the van before) I did what I always do when I want to have information...I googled causes which led me to the conclusion that we had drain fungus.

I made a trip to the store loaded up on vinegar and baking soda to make a volcano of the drain to get rid of the fungus.  I was so proud of my work.  Went to sleep only to wake up to more dead gnats.

I decided this was some serious fungus so I treated again....this went on for about a week, I daily vacuumed, dusted, treated the drains- even the shower drain---Pretty sure we had the cleanest drains but were still infested with gnats.

I googled some more and discovered that plants can develop root rot and produce soil gnats, also referred to as fungus gnats.  Probably the most common -and definitely the most annoying houseplant pests. These pest larvae thrive in moist soil and cannot survive in dry soil.

We quickly took that little .50 tree back outside to the porch and right away our little infestation was G-O-N-E.

What happened?

When we moved the tree and changed its environment it got too much water, and not enough light.

I thought I was taking care of it because I was actually remembering to water it vs when it was on the porch and only got watered like 2 times a month.

I was offering what I thought it needed.  I was over feeding and not allowing it to digest the food I provided it with.

This got me thinking about my time with God.

I read and read and read.  I read the Bible, I read devotional books, parenting books, scriptures of the day...but I often don't stop to reflect, let the word soak into the roots of my heart and character changing me and growing me.  Instead, of filling my heart with nourishing life changing moments with God I flood my mind with information and have religion vs relationship.  The religion can produce feelings of deadness, emptiness, loneliness.  When I'm trying to control my life is no longer rooted, floods rise and rot grows.

Water from the Lord is sweet, nourishing, satisfying, right on time, just what I need, cleansing, renewing, and refreshing.  He leads me by quiet still waters and restores my soul. (Psalm 23)

Me on my own, I produce something that isn't natural.  Trying to create spiritual growth is exhausting and won't work. 1 Peter 2:9 "But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light." - My identity is in Christ.  He has chosen me, set me apart, I am His, I proclaim the excellencies if HIM.

I need to Stop Striving and Start Thriving.

To Thrive is to develop well, to prosper, flourish, bloom or advance.
To Flood is to overfl beyond its normal confines especially to a normally dry land.

My walk with the Lord is a continual process of watering from the Lord, a planned focus on Him alone so I can produce fruit that is from Him. Psalm 92:13 They are planted in the house of the Lord; they flourish in the courts of our God.

Soil gnats don't kill they plant! A plant that has been flooded and has begun to develop root rot and fungus which breeds the pesky gnats can be healed.  The only way is to let the roots dry out completely so the gnats can no longer feed on the swampy soil.

What areas of my life are "swampy".  Places full of false teaching, negative self talk, wrong identity- places that its impossible for Gods roots to take hold?

Isaiah 58:11- The Lord will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength.  You will be like a well watered garden, like an ever flowing spring.

I want God to produce fruit that is nourishing to someones soul. I want to be like a tree that provides encouraging shade and an accepts people where they are.  I need roots that are watered by Gods living water that never runs dry vs the words of others that only flood my mind with an overflow of information.  I need daily amounts of food from Him.

Who knew that .50cents on a patio tree could remind me of so many truths?

My patio tree wasn't producing fruit it was created to produce.  Instead it was producing gnats- pesky tiny bus that snuck up on me because of poor nourishment.  I was searching for other answers not really wanting to get to the literal root of the problem...maybe my tree will end up dying because of the harsh cold temperatures, or maybe the winter months will cause it to suffer for a bit- but I cannot live with gnats and I know eventually spring will bring warmer temperatures that my tree thrives in.

This makes me want to stop trying to over water my life and my children's spiritual lives- quit trying to do Gods work- TRUST Him...if I'm in control all that I will accomplish in my over watering is rotten roots and gnats. I pray that DAILY I will walk by the spirit, be led by Him and fed by Him alone so He can produce fruit from the Spirit.  My kids will see me fail and get back up and hopefully they will see some fruit from the Spirit.  I am a work in progress.

Galatians 5: 16-26

16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh.They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever[c] you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery;20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited,provoking and envying each other.

Chores

For years I've been trying to find a way to incorporate chores into the daily routine in the lives of the boys...There are a few reasons:

1.  While I love serving my family, I don't want it to feel like I'm their slave. I honestly need help so that I have more time to spend with them.

2. I want them to learn to be hard workers that do a good job...one day I want them to have a JOB

3.  I want them to enter a room and be able to access the situation and see what they could do to offer help and feel confident to complete a task ahead of them.

4.  They live here, I want them to contribute because thats part of being a family and being grateful for what we have- responsibility for our home.

5.  One day they will be someones husband and I already love my future daughter in laws enough to help my boys to know how to do everything around the house. 

Ive tried LOTS of ideas- and scoured and searched Pintrest even dedicated a whole board to the subject

Chore Chart- you do the chore and check off that you've completed it

Write Chores on a board and when you do it you mark your name off or put a tally mark by your name so I know you've completed it

Velcro Chart- when you complete a chore velcro it under your name

Popsicle stick chart - all the possible chores are written on sticks, with $ amounts on them I put your sticks in your "to do" envelope, once you complete it move it to "done" then at the end of the week we settle up and you get paid.

Marbles- every time you do a chore put a marble in your jar

All of the above worked for MAYBE a month at most.  Mainly because it was too much work for me to keep up with and sometimes the assigned chore I went ahead and completed or it didn't really need to be done and anytime money for the chores was involved both of us forgot to pay or ask for payment or they did the chore but didn't move a stick or marble....

Well, over the summer, over 7 months ago, I started a system that works and I love it.

At first it was met with resistance and complaining and arguing but after diligence on my end, even when at times I really didn't want to have the battle, persistence has paid off and now its something that has just become part of our normal routine.

Before you have screen time you complete a chore OR here are the chores that need to be done once they are finished then the three of you may have screen time. 

At first if one brother was finished with their chore first they would nag the other "hurry, why aren't you done...."  

BUT recently my heart has been warmed multiple times as they've said to each other- I'm finished with my chore can I help you with yours so we can both just go ahead and have screen time? 

WAIT.  DID YOU JUST OFFER TO DO EXTRA WORK? DID YOU JUST ON YOUR OWN OFFER TO HELP YOUR BROTHER?  

Now, I don't even have to say "before screen time you need to do your chores" They ask- Mom, what are the chores OR, looks like the dishes are clean can I unload the dishwasher for my chore...

Mason has been awesome at delegating the chores.   -- Like today....I said when you're done with homework I could really use some help unloading the dishwasher and matching all of the socks (seriously ALL of our socks are currently in one laundry basket that we've just been digging through on top of the dryer)

Mason quickly said "How about this guys, Ill just go ahead and do the dish washer since I can reach everything better and I'm quicker at it and Micah, you and Ethan just go ahead and lay all the socks out and match them up then I'll come in there and make sure you know how to put the matches together"

I was sitting at the table reading a book. 

After the dishwasher I tiptoed towards my bedroom to listen as Mason was giving gentle instructions on how to line the socks up and use your thumb to put them together.... 

SO Yes at the beginning trying to figure out how to incorporate chores was HORRIBLE, A LOT OF WORK, CONFLICT, Chores that were being done that I had to go back and REDO,....but NOW, most days, there are no complaints. They are helping me, I have more time to play with them, and I don't feel as overwhelmed with all the housework and they are gaining skills on how to work together, work hard, do something right, try something new, be responsible, be grateful....Chores are so wonderful. 

Sometimes fighting the battles are hard but its the war I'm interested in winning. 

Snow Angels

January 7 2016, we were expecting to wake up to 6-8 inches of snow- instead we had some ice and maybe  1/2 inch of snow.  I thought they were going to be so disappointed and want to just stay inside and watch movies. BUT, the boys were thankful for something new to explore in.  We all bundled up and I helped them configure their DIY snow boots- you know, a pair of tall socks, a wal-mart bag followed by another pair of tall socks before putting on your old shoes.

While we were outside it started snowing again.

I loved watching Micah try to catch the snowflakes in his mouth and Ethan copy everything his big brother did. The two of them discovered that this light snow was perfect for making snow angels in the street.  Ethan made his face down- he was trying to actually SEE the angel below the snow. I smiled and thought of how all of the time we are surrounded by Gods presence and have angels guarding, fighting and protecting us, but I am guilty of simply not looking. Not noticing. Not seeing God in all things.

This reminds me of the story in 2 Kings 6: 8-17 when Elisha traps the blinded Arameans.  vs. 16-17 "Don't be afraid, the prophet answered. Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.  And Elisha prayed, O Lord open his eyes so he may see.  Then the Lord opened the servants eyes, and he looked ad saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.

Lord, may I never forget to ask you to open my eyes, I am not alone, give me boldness to trust the truth that you are fighting a bigger battle, there is greater strength in the unseen reality of the hosts of heaven then the visible reality of my circumstances.  Especially in the EVERYDAY MOMENTS- I know you want to speak to me.

May I not be disappointed in not receiving what I was expecting to receive and trust that you may be wanting me to experience something different.

Had it snowed 8 inches the snow angels wouldn't have looked the same.  Who knows if we would have even tried to make any?

Today I am thankful for ice snow to explore in and little boys who make snow angels face down to the pavement trying to actually see the angels below.

The Hospital

January 4 2017

New Year New Knee for my dad or "Papa" to my boys.  The night before his surgery we were very intentional as a family to hold hands and pray that God would go before our Papa and provide him with the right nurses and give Papa peace.  We also prayed God would guide the surgeons hands and that he would have a speedy recovery.

Wednesday after school the boys asked hows he doing....I told them he was out of surgery and that we could go visit but first we made a stop by the dollar store to pick out a "get well" balloon and then  we stopped in Treats next door for some speciality popcorn that he could snack on while watching movies as he recovered from his surgery.  

On the way to the hospital I told the boys that when I visit someone who's sick or check on them I like to think of a scripture or encouraging word I could share.  They thought for a moment- Ethan responded with his verse from Decembers Art Studio at church "God Loved the World So much that he sent his son" John 3:16 - We discussed how this could apply- when sin entered the world with it came sadness and sickness which is why Jesus needed to come to rescue us, to save us...we now have the hope of heaven and joy to know that one day we will never have to be in pain or suffer.

Micah said- "hmmm maybe a verse about not being afraid?"  

Mason responded- "Don't fear" Isaiah 41:10 (this is a verse we've given them at night if they are afraid when going to sleep)

I jumped in "Isaiah 41:10 Do not be afraid, I am with you, I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand"- We discussed how that Papa could be afraid, not knowing how long his pain would last, how his new knee would feel, would he ever be able to go sailing again...but that we know the promise is that God is with us....because we live in a fallen world along with that comes fear BUT God will always be with us and go before us and hold us....so even when Papa wonders if he can stand or trust his new knee to walk ...he could cling to the promise that God is holding him, strengthening him.  

Once we arrived at the hospital we waited with Grandmaw from about 3:45-5:00 then FINALLY they had an available room.

We visited with Papa for about an hour and discovered that God had answered our prayers and 

"gone before Papa to give him the right nurses"  he lined up a nurse for Papa that went to Jason and Kristel's church - just a sweet reminder of peace and that God is in control right before he went into surgery. And one of his nurses post surgery was one they had met just a few weeks earlier who cared for Maw Maw who is recovering from a broken femur. 

Then the boys shared their scriptures and I explained our conversation on the way up then Ethan prayed a simple prayer- "Thankyou God for this day, Thankyou for Papa, Heal him from his surgery. Amen"

We then took Grandmaw out to dinner and I heard the boys discussing on the way to the restaurant "I know we'd rather go to Wendy's but we are here for Grandmaw, and whatever she wants to eat or wherever she wants to go will be fine with us because she's going through a lot too" 

They ended up having a full afternoon of service. This day wasn't about them, they wanted to dig into the specialty popcorn, but didn't. They never complained about waiting in the waiting room, they were happy to see papa and glad for the opportunity to provide some company to Grandmaw.  And as a bonus they actually ended up loving grandmas restaurant choice!

Papas road to recovery hasn't been an easy one so we decided to pay him an extra visit.  Before we left I asked Mason if he'd like to take some of the cookies he baked from scratch all on his own, no help from me...(which took him about 2 hours to complete) I was expecting him to load up 4 cookies, 2 for each of them-(kinda what I was thinking) I was shocked by Masons generosity...he loaded the ziplock back I handed him as full as he could get it.

Sometimes I dread taking my kids to serious places or putting them in situations that are uncomfortable for even me at times for fear that it is going to bring on whining and complaining that will in turn embarrass me...but I AM SO THANKFUL they were with me.  I could tell by their faces and the feel of the Holy Spirit right there in the room that they knew that something wasn't about them and they loved it.   They loved that just by being themselves they were being a blessing.  They were given an opportunity to serve and felt full because of it. 

Mark 10:45 For Even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.

Lord, my our family continue to seize opportunities to serve and give moments of or time, energy, creations...ourselves away for the sake of the kingdom.

Luke 6:38 Give and it will be given to you. A good measure pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be given to you, poured into your lap.  For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. 

brave

Christmas morning after all the gifts had been unwrapped Chris was tickling our contagiously joyful 4 year old when he noticed a bump above his tooth.  After some research and the advice of our dentist friends we decided to take him to a pediatric dentist to get him checked out.  I told Ethan that the dentist was going to look at his mouth and that they may have to pull his tooth out.  He felt his tooth with his tongue, looked with both eyes to the ceiling, shrugged his shoulders then ran to play.

I was nervous for him.

Anxious as I peered in the office of the pediatric dentist - a room full of chairs, with no TVs and other kids, some crying.  I was expecting this to be a battle.

In the middle of an new episode of Ready Jet Go on the bench in the waiting room my little boy was treating this like any other day... the dental hygienist called out "Ethan" and he jumped up ran to greet her climbed up on the chair and eagerly opened his mouth with no sign of hesitation or angst.

All of the other hygienists turned their heads in disbelief at this little bundle of crazy blonde hair so willingly eager to have his mouth checked out.  When they looked at me with raised eyebrows as if to say, "please tell us what you told him so we can tell all parents to give the same words to their waiting 4 year olds" I shrugged my shoulders and said, "meet Ethan...he's a very mature four year old,  who is brave, not afraid to meet new people, happy to be anywhere and eager to have a story to tell his brothers, he leaves a positive impression on everyone he meets...guess its no different even at the dentist"

X-rays confirmed an abscess above his tooth, short roots to his two front teeth caused by multiple traumas to the teeth...yes, when you're the youngest of three boys you do a lot of wrestling, tackling, and running multiple times resulting in bloody teeth and lips.  We scheduled an appointment to have his tooth extracted the following afternoon.  When I told Ethan he was going to have to lose a tooth his face lit up and he practically hugged himself and said, "Oh I can't wait to tell the brothers, I'm going to lose my first tooth!!"

The hygienist heard him say that and said, "Oh my goodness he is the cutest thing ever, what a positive outlook on all of this"  I took in a deep breath and sighed a proud mom moment - thats my Ethan.

But the truth is that was ALL Ethan, had nothing to do with me.  He had received the news that he was probably going to have his tooth pulled, he briefly paused, then went about his routine.

Oh how I wish every situation I face could be treated with the same minimal pause that Ethan gave.

I would worry less if I didn't spend a lot of time thinking of all that could go wrong, only expect the best- In Ethan's case- Now I'll be like my big brothers.

This model of keeping the end in mind is what Ethan focused on as he went back the next day.

The whole procedure took around an hour and his demeanor never changed. He was happy and chatty excited to be in the company of new friends.  AND also excited to have a visit from the tooth fairy.

As a mom I was worried.  I never told him he should be brave because I was afraid I would instill a reason to be fearful.  But after the fact I was wishing I would have taken some time to explain bravery.

The definition of brave is having courage; valor.  Synonyms include fearlessness, daring, boldness, prowess, nerve, audacity and spunk...so many of these words could have already been used to describe Ethan.  

After this tooth extraction I realize just how brave he is and going forward want to remind him that God has given him these tools he needs to be a great little human being.  His brave heart  and personality that is full of spunk, boldness, valor and courage is founded in the heart of God.  I, as his mother, may even fail to remember at times that God has given my children all they need to handle any situation that comes their way.

Over Christmas break Ethan lost a tooth but gained even more confidence to be himself.  I am resting,  with glimpses of a future for Ethan that is full of brave moments and even more opportunities for him to leave a positive joyful impression on those he comes in contact with regardless of the situation.

The dental hygienist said she's never met a four year old like Ethan.  And his first visit from the tooth fairy left him five dollars richer.

(as soon as he found the $5 he handed it straight to Chris asking him to put it in the bank)